@Roxtalled: Practicing karate in my driveway to strike fear into potential burglars.
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@Reverend_Scott: Mistakes married women make: 1. Assuming he heard you. 2. Assuming he understood you. 3. Assuming he'll remember. 4. Marrying a man.
@daemonic3: "Dad, what caused the Great Fire of London?" [googles but can't get wifi] Well son, that's when Bach dropped the most fire mixtape of 1666
@jonnysun: "911 whats ur emergency" omg im DYING "we'll send someone right awa–" i met THE funiest guy "ok wait so ur not actualy–" AND HE STABBED ME