@imadepoopstoday: Practicing parenthood on an egg only teaches kids that if you cook your baby it's delicious.
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@Sassafrantz: What a beautiful day! The sun's shining, the birds are singing, the neighbor's dog is taking a huge crap on my lawn...
@CallmeMrBigs: Bill Gates is giving 100k to help develop a better & safer condom. I don't care how good it is, im not wearing a condom that says Microsoft.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: Celebrity divorce statements remind us of the names they gave their kids. "We want to focus on raising our children, Shoe and Turbo Pickle."
@Reverend_Scott: If you watch the movie Twister backwards it's the story of friendly tornados saving lives, rebuilding destroyed towns and playing with cows.