@earthfalcon33: PRANK: ask someone what's on their shirt and when they look down give them a perm
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@philco816: There is no way Hollywood could remake Scream for millennials because, none of them would answer the phone.
@trentistweeting: [first date] ME: one of my biggest pet peeves is people who think the world revolves around them MY DATE, WHO IS THE SUN: i see
@Brianhopecomedy: Bought an ice cream cake and the cashier told me to keep it in the freezer until serving as it will melt. I gotta start dressing smarter.
@rickkondell: The plural of beer is beer, which is very convenient when you are explaining to your wife why you were late coming home from work.