@WheelTod: Prank: if you're standing at a busy intersection light beside a guy staring at his phone take 2 steps forward & see if he walks into traffic
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@nachosarah: if we're on a date and you're rude to the waiter I'd be like holy shit I'm on a date
@onelongbender: I don't think I get enough credit in my family for making my siblings look successful.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: I can point out chicks who say "vokka" and "liberry" instead of "vodka" and "library" based on the use of emoticons in their screen name.
@UncleDuke1969: *kneels to pray* “Hello, God?” “YOU’VE REACHED CUSTOMER SUPPORT.” “Who is this?” “MY NAME IS BRAD.” “Are you in Heaven, Brad?” “NO, INDIA.”