@AndrewChamings: Prank your dog by loosening his collar a bit everyday and googling "shrinking dog syndrome" while he's on your lap
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@singwithTaffy: Please, by all means, call my landline. I'll reply with a postcard attached to a helium balloon
@juliussharpe: The ending of "Romeo and Juliet" is only sad if you think two fourteen year-olds should have gotten married.
@AndrewNadeau0: Because of aquariums I thought I loved marine biology but it turns out I just really like the idea of fish prison.
@jonnysun: [at a fancy restuarant] WIFE: make sure u leave a good tip ME: ok [writing on bill] "only evolve ur pokemon when uve activated a lucky egg"