@lawblob: pranking neighborhood teens by pulling my car into their driveway & putting a bow on it so they think their parents bought it for them
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@wife_housy: Being a mom means being the first one up in the morning, the last one to bed at night, and the only one drinking during church.
@heatherlou_: My house is clean so please don't eat or drink or come by or let my child come home.
@QwertyJones3: "Honey, it's not that I don't like your cooking, it's just that the smoke's about to asphyxiat our family." "WHAT'D YOU SAY ABOUT MY ASS??"