@lawblob: pranking neighborhood teens by pulling my car into their driveway & putting a bow on it so they think their parents bought it for them
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@dubstep4dads: [i wake up confused] KIDNAPPER: youll never guess where we are! ME: [observing floor tile pattern] this is a Dennys bathroom KIDNAPPER: shit
@fouadelbatrawi: Thank God for butter because without butter all butterflies would be just flies and that sounds terrible.
@Zwolf666: My neighbor's 13-month old only has four teeth. She's way too young to being doing that much meth.
@Glitta_J: If im walking around with my arms crossed, there's a 90% chance im not mad...Im just probably not wearing a bra