@lawblob: pranking neighborhood teens by pulling my car into their driveway & putting a bow on it so they think their parents bought it for them
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@jwoodham: There's a 100% chance the Republicans will discuss Starbucks cups in a debate tonight, so remember that when they ask how they lost in 2016.
@thrill713: If your kids are playing and it gets totally quiet, then you hear one say "you're okay, you're okay," they are definitely NOT okay.
@murrman5: since you're having surgery tomorrow, get here early and remember no eating after midnight "because of nausea?" no, because you're a gremlin