@NotThatNixon: Praying that Donald Trump is really just Ashton Kutcher performing his most elaborate prank yet.
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@HeyoShellz: My 4 year old refused his dinner but it's ok because I caught him eating a Milkbone earlier
@jonnysun: i once saw a pigeon on the subway & it got off at the financial distribct & all i coud think was "cool. that bird makes more money than me"
@GuyThe_Guy: I made it halfway to Mexico before I realized that those sirens were just coming from the song on my radio.