@femaleproblems: Preach it Beyoncé
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@TheAlexNevil: The Mrs recognizes my "tell" when I've seen an attractive woman: my eyes pop 4 inches out of their sockets and I make a loud "A-OOGA" noise.
@AndrewChamings: genie: are you sure? me: just do it *my dog winks and gives me a fist bump for the third time*
@RxitWounds: POLICE! OPEN THE DOOR! What's the magic word? [Cut to them back at the station staring at a chalkboard with dozens of words crossed off]
@TheTweetOfGod: Jesus and Mary will occasionally appear on toast, or pancake, or waffles. Always breakfast foods. Why? Because it's the most important meal.