@Fickle_Filly: Predator taking off his mask, but it's me removing the filters from my selfies.
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@amydillon: My life these days is basically the "before" segment of an infomercial for a revolutionary new mop.
@Quartzjixler: I smoke in the car and the smell is in my clothes, skin, and hair but this gum will cover everything up so no one will know. - smokers
@Rollinintheseat: My life is a constant battle of wanting to pet a dog and not wanting to talk to its owner.
@WilliamRodgers: My wife told me to get a real job or pack my bags! What an idiot! Who threatens someone with a vacation???