@3sunzzz: 5: You forgot my night-light! It keeps monsters away.
Me: If a monster wants to get you, a 4 watt bulb won't stop him. Good night, Sweetie.
@BoogTweets: Me: *Holding a fist full of lit sparklers* How much for the aggressive incense?
@GianDoh: All toilet seats can be heated toilet seats if you push people off them and sit real fast.
@imdaintyaf: People complain when my baby is crying and then they complain when I stuff her in the overhead bin, MAKE UP YOUR GD MINDS
@sofarrsogud: ME: [holding my breath]
MY BREATH: This is nice.
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