@MaryKoCo: Pregnancy test that says, "Your cart has 1 item in it"
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@LostFelicia: Someone's overfeeding that damn cat. I mean.. there's something like Stonehenge in her litter box.
@Dawn_M_: This generation has discovered the selfie stick. My generation discovered AIDS. Don't know what's worse.
@jngraphs: Wife: Where are you going? Me: Out. I can't stand being hemmed in by four walls. Wife: How many walls has the pub got? Five?