@Reverend_Scott: God: You finish all 11 commandments? Moses: About the 11th one... God: What? Moses: Check yourself before you wreck yourself? God: Fine, 10.

@QwertyJones3: Dearly beloved, we are gathered together before God & these witnesses to observe the following: 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19 -Prime Minister

@PJTLynch: [2050] "Grandpa, how did President Trump ever get elected?" Well, we were a bit distracted. That was the year adult coloring books came out

@TheBoydP: "Change is never easy..." ~McDonalds employees

@dmc1138: Steve Miller: "Some call me the gangster of love." Rest of the Steve Miller Band: "Nobody calls him that."