@VocabuLarry: Pregnancy tests make me wish peeing on things answered more questions.
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@Fred_Delicious: "son, did i ever tell you about how I served in Nom?" "dad, don't you mean Nam?" "sorry son i ate a small cake at the end of that sentence"
@GABBYdaAngSaya: Boss: I suspect one of you is dead [Everyone looks at me, except for Paul, who is not moving at all]
@PaperWash: Back to Future II is so unrealistic not a single person takes a selfie or gets bullied on the internet
@Smug_Lemur: Maybe my grandma stayed married for 50 yrs because she never said stuff like "I just wish he would support me, you know, creatively."