@philyuck: President’s Day is just a holiday invented by Presidents to sell more Presidents.
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@chuuew: My friend's getting rich by selling photos of koi in clothes. He says it's as easy as shooting fish in apparel.
@JennyJohnsonHi5: If I got arrested I'd ask for one tweet instead of a phone call because none of my friends answer their goddamn phones.
@amethystxmatt: turns out skrillexs music has healing properties: during a concert, a paralysed boy stood up and left