@TylerLinkin: Press 1 for English. Press 2 For shitty customer service in any language.
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@XplodingUnicorn: When hipsters replaced hippies, we lost free love and drugs and got skinny jeans. Worst. Trade. Ever.
@Loving_Life1996: We are gathered here today because SOMEBODY *glares at coffin* couldn't stay alive.
@TheMichaelRock: We could completely eliminate car thefts by making every car alarm sound like Hillary Clinton's laugh.