@TylerLinkin: Press 1 for English. Press 2 For shitty customer service in any language.
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@aholealex: "Damn girl are you a dam, girl? Cuz your water just broke haha" yes we will go to the hospital in a minute honey, jesus christ im tweeting
@WhaJoTalkinBout: Her: What's your favorite part about being a stay-at-home mom? Me: Showering is optional Her: HAHAHA, be serious. Me: Ok, no drug tests.
@AGStr8upNinja: Scientists say North America is going to sink into the ocean but we can change that. With a healthy diet and a little bit of exercise.
@heroinsdemise: I always wonder how Men managed to find entire continents. Mine can't even find the butter in the fridge.