@DirtMcTurd: Press 1 for English. Press 2 for spanish. Press 1 and 2 at the same time for the latest Pitbull song
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@bridger_w: If someone says they just love the smell of books, I always want to pull them aside and be like, to be clear, do you know how reading works
@Savage_Scavange: Never really had a nickname in my life.. Except maybe that one time a bunch of chumps called me "The defendant" for a full day.
@dafloydsta: WIFE: Your heavy drinking is making you delusional ME: *turns to friend* Do you think that's true? WOLVERINE: Nah, don't listen to her
@cupcakelynda: A 23 yr old girl just said I feel like I see people & I think they're my age then I find out they're OLD!! Like, THIRTY!! So I killed her.