@DirtMcTurd: Press 1 for English. Press 2 for spanish. Press 1 and 2 at the same time for the latest Pitbull song
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@TheTweetOfGod: Confession: the entire time when I was forming the earth, I was using asteroids.
@JumbledButts: *puts a DVD of 'Frozen' and a DVD of 'Dante's Peak' into the same DVD player* *'Waterworld' starts playing*
@XplodingUnicorn: I tried to explain Pokémon to my 4-year-old. After hearing myself say it out loud, I'm pretty sure I ruined both of our childhoods.
@ChaseLori: Only people who've walked into a sliding glass door can laugh when a bird crashes into a window. Everyone else who does it is a racist.