@DirtMcTurd: Press 1 for English. Press 2 for spanish. Press 1 and 2 at the same time for the latest Pitbull song
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@thenatewolf: Mechanic: you need a new carburetor Me: you can call it a buretor, I know lots about cars, I'm like you
@simoncholland: Let's get married and have kids so instead of doing fun stuff on the weekend we can go to a kid's birthday party where everyone coughs.
@NourHadidi: "Sleep is for the dead". Yeah cos you look so alive when you're yawning. #stupidsayings
@ItsAndyRyan: What idiot called it 'telling the future through tea-leaves' and not 'brews foresight'?