@BoozeWallet: [pretending to talk on phone while mugger approaches] yeah, so then they told me that my Karate is just too deadly for the Olympics
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@CandyCrisis: Captain Hook hated Paper Scissors Rock since he could only play Question Mark, which had no value in the game.
@SSDated: Grad school is my excuse for everything. No text back? Grad school. Havent called in weeks? Grad school. I ate your last donut? Grad school!
@jwoodham: Whenever someone tells me they like country music, I just look them in the eyes and ask "which country?"
@duckpuppet: In these tough times, you can pop in the Titanic DVD to watch rich people die painfully, their money powerless against the fury of nature