@BoozeWallet: [pretending to talk on phone while mugger approaches] yeah, so then they told me that my Karate is just too deadly for the Olympics
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@Home_Halfway: I want to make medical bracelets that say "In case of emergency, delete browser history"
@AlexvanBeek: A spider so big you politely ask it to leave the premises & then sheepishly accept its refusal with all the dignity of a French surrender.
@AntiJokeJamal: A lion walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave predicting the impending danger at hand.
@Xalqee: My wife once told me " Mike you're the only man who ever gave me multiple orgasms", which pissed me off because my names not Mike