@CornOnTheGoblin: [pretends my phone rings while on date] i gotta take this. hello? oh hi [watches date for reaction]... the teenage mutant ninja turtles
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@pickupIines: are you my appendix because i don't understand how you work but this feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out
@Just_Lee_: Romantic subtweets are like watching a couple kissing in a restaurant. We're all very happy for you but it still makes us want to vomit.