@CornOnTheGoblin: [pretends my phone rings while on date] i gotta take this. hello? oh hi [watches date for reaction]... the teenage mutant ninja turtles
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@mortimermaiden: I'm a gentleman, so I when I see a woman about to open a door, I sprint up and tackle her back, so a man can open it for her.
@freeDone01: My body is telling me to go to sleep but my brain knows that there are Oreos in the pantry.