@NickSchug: If you encounter a bear you should either play dead or be so vibrant that the bear is like "whatever this person seems exhausting."

@ChrisIsJoking: It's weird they report fantasy football during Sports Center. That's like the local news telling us how your SimCity is doing.

@ewfeez: *getting turned away at airport security* But these are my emotional support bees

@Sean_Burgundy_: All I'm saying is if I were president I would make a law banning women from saying "We need to talk"

@allison_mick: FERRET OWNERS: EITHER GET A CAT OR A SNAKE STOP TRYING TO SPLIT THE DIFFERENCE