@junejuly12: What idiot called it "salad" and not "la sad"

@Dawn_M_: Of course you can trust me with your secret. *Calls local news team

@rickkondell: I lost a good friend today, he asked me to pick up some non-alcoholic beer.

@Maxine12333: Treat your relationships as you would your teeth, daily attention and they could last a lifetime, too bad the same can't be said for hair.

@matt___nelson: JESUS: so I'm u GOD: yes JESUS: and ur me GOD: yes JESUS: I don't get it GOD: I do JESUS: how can one of us get it & not the other GOD: whoa