@prodigalsam: Pretty cool to think every time the Verizon guy said "Can you hear me now?" the NSA was quietly answering "Yes we can."
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@BGH70: The Golden Globe goes to… Burrito … for best actor in a microwave, with a convincing performance of taking longer than necessary.
@Gooooats: I live in my parent's basement so I had to dig a deeper basement for my kids to live in. In 20 generations we will reach the Earth's core.
@Chumpstring: FRIEND: if i buy a giant iguana will people respect me? ME: no FRIEND: they'd stop making fun of my ponytail ME: they'd pretty much have to
@WhiskeySoured: If a bear is chasing you, don't run. Be very still and tweet about it because you're about to die.