@procharged94: Pretty disappointed to see that some of you lived through the night.
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@david8hughes: [interrogation] "What do u do for a living?" Jewel thief. "Louder for the tape." [leans in] Cool beef. I bring hot beef down in temperature.
@JediGigi: Robber: Give me your valuables Me: *hands him piece of paper* Robber: What's this? Me: My Netflix password.
@davidkenny100: A prankster draws glasses on all the photos In Lois Lanes family photo album... Lois Lane: "this is not my family photo album!"