@theDanLawler: Pretty fed up with the fact that pandemonium almost NEVER involves pandas.
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@DanMentos: [first day of work as a 911 operator] "Hello, 911" Hi someone's trying to break into my house "holy shit call 911"
@Midgetspar: After 9 months and 347 pics of you being pregnant you REALLY only need to post one pic of the baby as proof. We believe you.
@ZanyJaney11: Pirates that used X to mark the spot were stupid. If they had used a G, nobody would ever have found their treasure.
@QwertyJones3: HER: I'll only agree to do nudity if it's done tastefully PRIEST: And I understand the groom has also written his own vows