@longwall26: Pretty funny that turtles are always in uniform. It's like lighten up, turtles. The war is over.
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@Supafunkadunka: Just saw a coyote next to the highway. I hope this tunnel ahead isn't just painted on.
@joemcshutup: Taylor Swift told Vanity Fair she's not a "clingy, insane, desperate girlfriend" through various voicemails and texts at 3 AM
@Carbosly: This guy at my work is giving his wife a gym membership for Christmas. His name was John.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Notice how women didn't complain when they did an all-male version of Sex & The City called Entourage.