@longwall26: Pretty funny that turtles are always in uniform. It's like lighten up, turtles. The war is over.
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@DaddyJew: Son: you have a gray hair Me: it's a badge of honor Son: *looks at head* whoa, you're like some sort of super soldier Me: go to your room
@ObscureGent: The most unbelievable thing about Die Hard is that the office Christmas Party is happening on Christmas Eve.
@sbellelauren: whenever i trip a skinny girl running in only a sports bra i feel like i'm doing god's work