@longwall26: Pretty funny that turtles are always in uniform. It's like lighten up, turtles. The war is over.
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@PaulyPeligroso: Roses are red. Violets are blue. Hide all that weed because police lights are too.
@HeyZeus666: I've been eating sunflower seeds and Tweeting for 9 hours. Now I know what my canary feels like.
@thisislizz: The D word that everyone's been feeling at work is depression. I guessed the wrong word, apparently. Aaaaand there's HR calling me. Brb.
@lilgapeach30: 8 *walks into the house with covered in mud* Me: MY LORD 8: well that's a nice way to greet me but no, just your son.