@longwall26: Pretty funny that turtles are always in uniform. It's like lighten up, turtles. The war is over.
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@Douchekevin: Wife said she was 'retaining water' and I said I'd wondered who drained the swimming pool. Been 4 days and I'm still hiding in the attic
@Adar79Angie: If your Dad leaves, just act like you're installing a new screen door. All the Dads of the neighborhood will gather round. Pick your new Dad
@Pierre__4: If I was a girl my best friend would have to come untangle me at least twice a week because I tried to take my bra off through my sleeve
@Dutch_50: Survey: Are you a Democrat or a Republican? Me: Labels are for soup cans Survey: Can you tell us which way you're leaning? Me: Clam chowder