@petemandik: Pretty insulting when you wake up in a bathtub of ice and they left all your organs.
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@jackiembouvier: Thanks, baby Jesus, for helping me get that new job instead of helping millions of children find water and food. I know it was a tough call.
@iscoff: Remember, don't stoop to their level. If someone is murdering you, tell them their knife is cool and they're good at stabbing. Be nice
@davedittell: *friend bites off beer bottle cap at party* HONEY! HONEY!! NOW!! NOW!!! *wife jumps out car with a hundred jars from the fridge*