@bourgeoisalien: pretty jealous of bears. they're like, "well, just ate my entire weight in salmon, now I'm gonna sleep for 6 months. smell ya later, hater"
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@samuelhlowe: -Do you take drugs? -No. -Ever tried them? -Never. -You seem very nervous. -I'm just not used to being questioned by a unicorn.
@NateMorrising: I went for a job as a stunt double, I stubbed my toe on my way out the door. As soon as I stopped crying, I went to the interview. Bravery.
@Jenny4ashley: My daughter loves all the toys she sees in commercials. So of course I have to tell her they don't exist in real life, just on tv.
@JimHeskett: My buddy used to say "why should I wash my towels? After I shower, I'm the cleanest thing in the room." He's still single.