@lazerdoov: Pretty lame how horses and dogs don't capitalize on their ability to wear 2 pairs of jean shorts at once
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@AsgardianRose: The fastest and most deadly land mammal is a woman who has noticed another woman flirting with her man.
@13spencer: Ted Cruz is complaining about "liberal fascism," so I guess he's just stringing random unrelated words together, like "potato doorknob."
@ThaJawn: Me: Off to adult school recess! Boss: it's called lunch.. Me: *runs by dribbling basketball with two hands
@fro_vo: COP: do you know how fast you were going ME: no do you COP: yes ME: *twirls hair* what else do u know about me