@jamdugg: Pretty much everything I know about Caribbean geography, I learned from that Beach Boys song 'Kokomo.'
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@meganamram: Edison stole the idea for the lightbulb from the lightbulb that appeared above his head when he got the idea for the phonograph
@david8hughes: [at the opera] Me: what's wrong with that guy Wife: shh! Me: but he's tiny, he can barely hold that violin Wife [whispers]: that's a cello
@nerdonfire1: Apparently, the words "I'd still hit it" are words best kept to yourself at a funeral
@AHundredElbows: Border Patrol never did chase down that illegal baby food smuggler from Mexico. I heard he was so fast they nicknamed him Formula Juan.