@stockejock: Pretty much the most frightening part of my day is when I get a notification that my mother has tagged me in a post on Facebook.
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@ArfMeasures: THERAPIST: As a young boy, did your mother ever treat you badly? ME: As far as I know *pauses to think* my mother was never a young boy
@AlisonChrista: Bruce Banner is a genius scientist and he still can’t figure out how to make stretchy clothes?
@underrateDad: 83% of parenting is repeating the same set of instructions over and over using a different kid's name.