@BookishBunny: Pretty much the only time I WANT to hear about your ex is if she's standing behind me with a weapon, other than that I'm good.
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@SomthinBoutSara: Fun game: Take pictures with your camera sound turned up when someone comes into the bathroom stall next to yours
@badbanana: Man, the way these journalists are complaining it's like they only went to Sochi to use doorknobs and go poop.
@jonnysun: GOOD COP: tell us where ur boss is hiding and we'll let u go BIKE COP: [clenches fist] we woulda caught him if he hadnt climbed those stairs
@FlyJ_: [Gives husband a list for groceries] He brings home 1/2 of what's on the list and someone else's kid.