@Sultani_Sails: Pretty rude of my boyfriends' wife to keep posting pics from their trip to Aruba.
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@OnlyFastEddie: I stick pins and needles in the people I don't like because can't afford voodoo dolls.
@david8hughes: [in Walmart] "Excuse me, do you have towels?" "Oh, I don't work here." [leans in close] "I don't give a shit where you work."
@MavenofHonor: This milk is so far past its expiration date that I'm only going to have a small slice.
@Tmoney68: Mistletoe is my favorite Christmas tradition that sounds like a cool as shit superpower.