@runawaycupcake: Pretty sure Dora goes on crazy adventures with a monkey because her mom is on Twitter.
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@jaslakhmna: While people argue about the glass being half empty or half full...I'll just be drinking from the bottle !
@ch000ch: ME, TEXTING MY CRUSH: have any plans tonight? HER: no not yet!! i'm totally free and available ME: ok well have a good night whatever u do
@causticbob: "Susan, will you marry me?" "Oh yes Johnny, yes! Yes!" Ten grand later and it's still the best prank I ever pulled on my twin brother.
@RuffaloShuffle: *Dad enters room dressed as Han Solo* "May divorce be with you" "What?" "Your mother and I are getting a divorce. I figured I'd make it fun"