@DannyZuker: Pretty sure I know what my wife's getting me for my birthday cause when I guessed, "A 3-way?" she got all angry like I ruined the surprise.
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@RidiculousSheri: I have two boyfriends! Well, I'm dating two men Okay. Ben and I are just friends Same with Jerry Fine. I have ice cream. But it's love.
@tastefactory: Manager: Your fired Me: *You're Manager: How did you know I spelled it wrong if I spoke it out loud Me: How did you know I corrected you
@twt_malaysia: 'You'll go to hell for that joke' *in Hell Me: What did you do? Hitler: Genocide, what did you do? Me: Dunno tweeted a joke
@HEYWATCHMETWEET: Sex is a lot like chess. It takes strategy, patience, there's a horse there, the queen is watching.