@DannyZuker: Pretty sure I know what my wife's getting me for my birthday cause when I guessed, "A 3-way?" she got all angry like I ruined the surprise.
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@JustFingKatie: I keep getting a message that "Twitter is having issues"nnGood job guys...we drove twitter crazy!
@ImSoFrancis: Food just tastes better upside-down 1. upside-down cake 2. hamburgers 3. not cereal tho 4. oh no cereal is everywhere 5. why did I do this
@pixelatedboat: Doctors recommend that you drink 8 glasses of water a day and don't fall out of a helicopter
@sofarrsogud: FRIEND. My daughter just hates her job ME: My dogter loves hers F: You mean dau.. ME: *shows her a pic of a puppy in scrubs* She's a dogtor