@AmishPornStar1: Pretty sure marriage was invented to help people overcome their fear of death.
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@ddrwg: All I wanna do is *gun shot* *gun shot* *gun shot* *cash register noise* *goat sounds* *mousetrap explodes* wake up from this weird dream.
@armyVet1972: Me: Strengths? I never vomit when I'm nervous. *vomits* HR guy: Umm…you sure about that? Me: Oh yeah, yeah. I'm just super drunk right now
@UnFitz: Tip: "At the same time" has more characters than "simultaneously." The point is, having a vocabulary helps you tweet gooder.