@Lovelyinthe804: Pretty sure my baby thinks the number after 10 is yay.
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@KevinFarzad: I love how women always smell good, and can complete you, and are sometimes wrapped in tinfoil. Wait, that's a burrito. I love burritos.
@mdob11: Me: [crying so hard I can't breathe] why Waiter: [returning my plate] sorry, I thought you were done
@PLATINUM2000: My daughter thought putting glue on her hands would help her walk up the walls, we're both a little disappointed that it didn't work.
@sip_at_home_mom: I wrote: You'll always have a place in my heart. AC sent: You'll always have a place in my hearse. Now "staying friends" seems unlikely.