@heytherejeffro: Pretty sure the "FINISH HIM" guy from Mortal Kombat is giving relationship advice to every girl I date.
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@notacroc: WIFE: don't be weird at the party tonight ME: am i ever weird? [dinner party] CHERYL: how's the soup taste? ME: like the blood of my enemies
@itsboyschapter: you never gotta worry about me cheating on you... i might eat something that was yours but thats about it
@SamuelHLowe: - I'm here to register for the pessimists' club. - Is the glass half empty or half full? - What glass? - Gentlemen, we have a new leader!