@WilliamAder: Pretty sure the guy who named them "walkie talkies" got fired before he could name other military equipment.
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@TheQuietPsycho: *getting married Priest: will you love & honor her? Me: I will Her: [whispers to priest] Priest: and leave your phone unlocked? Me: I'm out
@jwoodham: "You know who needs more attention? Celebrities. Maybe we could give them trophies or something." Good idea, Oscar. What'd you have in mind?
@jtswhipped: To the woman that told her husband to "bite my ballsack" at the store today,I golf clapped because you won life.