@mishakey: Pretty weird to think that in the future, there will be old people named 'Hailey' and 'Brayden' running around in vintage Twilight t-shirts.
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@Not_DeeAnn: First thing heard on the news: "You're gonna be wet by this time tomorrow morning". Kinda looking forward to Tuesday now
@Mr_Kapowski: Voiceover: Continued use of this drug may cause but isn't limited to blurry vision, nausea, knowing the lyrics to the Macarena, diarrhea
@Rollinintheseat: The circles under my eyes are so dark, Animal Planet is following me around filming a documentary about a raccoon out of its natural habitat
@lloydrang: People who tweet about politics should have to pass a small test: if i say "Oh, look, a dead bird," and you look UP, we take your phone away