@ComedicBust: Prevent your neighbors from ever awkwardly waving at you again by hanging a Russian flag today.
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@Love_bug1016: Santa read your DMs. The only thing you're getting for Christmas is a prayer group on Facebook.
@AndrewsNotFunny: *I enter the bank and draw a weapon* Teller: holy shit Me: what Teller: you suck at art
@krisv_723: Friend: What’s with all the extra guests? Me: You told me to bring the Cranberries. *Linger starts to play*