@_mcgoof: Why are there 2 dragon smileys on Whatsapp? "He winked at me, I should send him a dragon head." "No babe, this calls for a full dragon."

@JohnBechard: "Blow on this." Hot food.

@InternetHippo: "Do you want to have fun but also get more mad than you've ever been in your life?" - video games

@Nocturnoc**to: If you steal my tweets I'll just unfollow you cuz your tweets are terrible.

@AristotlesNZ: OH GOD! BOB IS HAVING A HEART ATTACK! QUICK SOMEONE CALL A TEMP AGENCY. I'M SURE AS HELL NOT DOING ALL HIS WORK.