@truegritrumble: PRO SURVIVAL TIP: Don't go through that door that mysteriously opened all by itself in that 300 year old hotel with a tragic past.
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@michaelianblack: Probably not a coincidence that Taylor Swift just spent $17M on a mansion only two states away from me.
@RuthePhoenix: Took the batteries out of the carbon monoxide alarm because the loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy.
@jon_snow_420: luke: yoda, i wish for........ your freedom yoda: i'm not a genie. i'm a person like you. i just look really weird
@djdarrellripley: Hello, I dinged your car. The people watching me leave this note probably think I'm leaving you my name & number. Signed, Guess Who.