@TheAlexNevil: Pro Tip: don't buy cheap duct tape. Your basement guests can chew right through that.
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@FeelingMervis: UGH. When I text girls that I have standards, I really need to stop abbreviating the word standards to STDs.
@kibblesmith: Amazon is a $250 billion dollar company that reacts to you buying a vacuum by going THIS GUY LOVES BUYING VACUUMS HERE ARE SOME MORE VACUUMS
@AdamTheLobster: [In bed with gf] "Do you have any fantasies?" Yeah, one. You know your friend Sarah, the hot one? "Yes.. why?" I want to hit her with my car
@merrittkopas: him: what are u wearing me: I AM WREATHED IN VOID, AN EMPTINESS WHICH ADMITS NO LIGHT OR LIFE & SIGNALS THE END OF ALL THINGS him: thats hot