@TheAlexNevil: Pro Tip: don't buy cheap duct tape. Your basement guests can chew right through that.
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@ArfMeasures: [After performing the Dirty Dancing lift at our wedding] ME: Well that sure impressed them! WIFE [gasping for breath] You're getting heavier
@jergarl: 89% of being a parent is telling my kids to put on shoes before we leave the house and then getting in the car wearing my slippers.