@TheAlexNevil: Pro Tip: don't fall asleep during the middle of an argument with your spouse over whether or not you pay attention to her.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@mollzbenn: I made a grocery list last night when I was drunk and it just says "healthy stuff," "looob," and "you don't own me."
@tastefactory: "What's taking the pharmacist so long? It's just one prescription" *behind the counter the pharmacist is sinking in quicksand and screaming*
@DaddyJew: Interviewer: Which academic course did you find most difficult? Me: spinach Interviewer: you mean Spanish? Me: exactly