@_Tempo11: Pro tip: Don't moan when getting a pat down at airport security
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@CherBear162: Hi..You've reached my voicemail. I could come to the phone right now but I saw your name on caller ID so leave a message..or not.
@TheMichaelRock: Whenever you're feeling down and out, just remember that there's people walking around with Twilight tattoos.
@davidkenny100: Gwen Stefani: 🎵this shit is bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S wait!! If if this shit is bananas then that means... Cut to kid opening lunch box
@Brampersandon_: *fart noise* ME: it was your dog. I swear! GIRL: my dog died last year you liar GHOST DOG: theres no way she's gonna sleep with you now lmao