@_Tempo11: Pro tip: Don't moan when getting a pat down at airport security
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@TheBoydP: All I’m saying is when I’m drunk in the backyard I still put my shirt on just like everyone else, one leg at a time...
@XplodingUnicorn: Reasons I put my kids to bed on time: 3) They need their rest. 2) Routine is important. 1) "Game of Thrones" is on.
@ImSoFrancis: BREAKING NEWS: Scientists have discovered what may be the worlds largest bed sheet. More on that as it unfolds.
@trevso_electric: I read a sad statistic that something like 2% of all sushi goes un-Instagrammed.