@novicefather: Pro tip: If a woman asks you how she looks, the correct answer is not "like Dan Aykroyd."
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@ScreaminZeman: When I go out to eat I wear a shirt w/ a picture of me shirtless on it, because I hate rules but I like service.
@ashley_barnhill: My mom once asked if Jack Frost was based on a true story. Jack Frost is a movie where a father dies and returns as a snowman.
@ObscureGent: All those years of school never taught me the most important life lesson. Green gummy bears are strawberry flavored.