@lawyerthoughts: Pro tip: if you absolutely must speak in court, do not put air quotes around "the law". Judges don't like it.
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@koalaslament: put ur hair in a man-bun. now put ur beard in a man-bun too. congratulations ur now a hamburger. be free, hamburger man.
@MikeCanRant: You have to put a potato in the microwave to push the potato button. Other things dont turn into potatoes. *brought to you by Bounty*
@ElgatoEsmio: My new dentist called me back in to make another mold of my teeth. Needless to say he made a terrible 1st impression.
@Burger_Time_: [as one million ants are carrying me out of my bed to toward their cavern to eat me alive] please let me feed my neopets first