@SaraMansford: Pro tip: If you forget their name after a one night stand, just take them to Starbucks in the morning.
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@TheCatWhisprer: Just got kicked out of Chipotle for knowing what I wanted when I got to the front of the line.
@JamieLinks: Have decided Twitter is like a good grandma. Makes dirty jokes, complains a lot, corrects your grammar, tells you who has died.
@mattZillaaaa: This old lady in the grocery store was just giving me the weirdest looks and the worst piggy back ride of my life
@LoveMeNowDad: A microwave with three only buttons. 1. Hot Pocket 2. Pizza Rolls 3. 4 Hot Pockets and 60 Pizza Rolls