@callie_cakes: PRO TIP: If you hold out your arms like Frankenstein when walking in a leg brace, people let you cut in line at Starbucks.
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@bingowings14: Dog 1: Help me with this crossword clue. Outer covering of a tree. 4 letters. Dog 2: woof? Dog 1: You're not even trying.
@jackiembouvier: Put a kid in a lake or a river and they never want to come out. Turn on a shower and it's like you're blasting them with nuclear waste.
@silence__kit: Some baby on this plane is singing the ABCs all out of order and a guy just shouted "yes girl remix!!"
@DepressedDarth: My wife left me, my best friend tried to kill me with a lightsaber, both of my kids led a rebellion against me and my boss tried to get my son to kill me, but at least my grandson likes me