@GreenScoundrel: Pro Tip: I'm not a pro. Don't listen to my tips.
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@TenaciousGrace_: Part of me says, "I can't keep drinking like this." While another says "Don't listen to her, she's drunk."
@MoistPork: I just typed "relationship" and it came up "delusional" on my phone. First time I realized my phone really is smart.
@sixfootcandy: Him: "I've seen people cry at weddings, but not the rehearsal dinner." Me: "I usually don't cry...but these potatoes are just so awesome!"
@tastefactory: COP: We have reports of u blasting music. ME: Sorry I'll keep the Metallica down COP: We were told it was Britney Spears "Lucky." On repeat.