@GreenScoundrel: Pro Tip: I'm not a pro. Don't listen to my tips.
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@_thatigirl: 83 yo man, "You speak pretty good English for a Chinese girl". Me: "I'm caucasian". Him, "Well, any kind of Asian looks Chinese to me".
@WildeThingy: A new study shows twitter is more addictive than crack. A scientist who looks suspiciously like my wife said "better put down that phone."
@BuckyIsotope: Jack and Jill went up the hill To fetch an ounce of ganja Jack lit up and took a puff And Jill cuffed him. She was DEA. Jack died in prison.
@SnizzleFrizzle: I bet jellyfish are sad that there are no peanut butter fish. *I'm not even high.