@vikkaroni: Pro tip: Instead of having kids, just adopt a couple raccoons. They'll trash your house too, but at least they can feed themselves.
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@briangaar: "Sir, I need you to explain your resume." Well, my pet tiger & I were beloved cartoon characters "Current job?" I pee on things I don't like
@RealJinjaNinja: Three steps to start a relationship. 1- buy a sheep 2- name it "relation" 3- now you have a relationsheep.
@thetits: Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day. Push a man out of a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.