@fillthevacuum: Pro tip: The Labor Day weekend is a great time to start drafting your Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas tweets.
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@thenatewolf: Capitalization can really change a sentence. Example: I love to eat candy. I love to eat capitalization.
@iGreenMonk: My girlfriend thinks my jokes are stupid, but she still wants to have sex with me. So, who's stupid now?
@Sickayduh: I'm gonna strap a snowblower on my roof and start driving south. When someone asks me what it is, that's where I'm gonna live.