@merican_ninjy: Pro tip: when a cop asks you to step out of the car, don't reply with "I'm too drunk, you get in."
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@bobvulfov: dates 1-4: let me tell u about my extremely normal hobbies and interests date 5: i don't think the moon is real
@JoParkerBear: *phone rings 15: I hope it's him! *phone rings 25: hope it's about the job *phone rings 35: (handing phone to stranger) i died. tell them
@Leave_the_candy: i love the term “partners” are we dating? are we robbing a bank? do we run a legal firm? Who knows man