@merican_ninjy: Pro tip: when a cop asks you to step out of the car, don't reply with "I'm too drunk, you get in."
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@Bez: When someone texts "whatcha doin" after midnight the appropriate response is "someone else" even if you're just eatin' pizza all alone.
@CharismaFueled: Apparently, changing your profile to "Flirty, dirty and a little squirty" gets you kicked out of Christian Mingle.
@sevenxx7: Weird; People in my office have started naming the food in the company fridge. Today I ate a tuna sandwich named Kevin.
@mishakey: You know those disgusting people who lick their fingers instead of using a napkin in public? Hi.