@ClassicMegan: Pro tip: when you have a drug test and they tell you to go to the bathroom in the cup, that means PEE. Always.
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@stockejock: Happy birthday to rapper Pitbull who is 34 today, or 238 in dog years for all the other Pitbulls.
@jdforshort: If you need me, I'll be in the bathroom I guess it's finally time to shave my legs for spring *Walks away with hedge trimmers
@jake_lach: I need to lay off the caffeine. My neighbor keeps complaining that I'm tackling her much more than usual
@protolalia: I only date men who have cats because they've been pre-trained to try and figure out what you want if you just stare at them long enough.